The full text of the Queen's Christmas message to UK armed forces, intended to lift moral and convince these saps that they are doing something worthwhile. We've taken the liberty of reading between the lines and addinh what she was really thinking as she read this nonsense.
I am delighted to have this opportunity to wish you all a very happy Christmas, wherever you are serving. I know it has been an extremely busy year on operations, overseas and here at home.
In Iraq and Afghanistan you continue to make an enormous contribution in helping to rebuild those countries - or should I say, shooting farmers and raping their sons and daughters.
In other operational theatres - war zones - you undertake essential duties with a professionalism which is so highly regarded the world over - Shame you don't get paid as much as the british mercenaries (sorry, I mean 'contractors').
Members of my own family have had the opportunity this year to visit you on operations and see at first hand the scope of your work - while remaining completely safe far away from danger and getting all the chicks.
They have been hugely impressed by the spirit in which you go about your business in the most difficult and dangerous circumstances - it never ceases to amaze us just how gullible you all are with this whole queen and country nonsense.
Your courage and loyalty are not lightly taken - we count on it.
It is a pledge which calls for sacrifice and devotion to duty - and we wouldn't be where we are today without the likes of you (mugs).
Throughout my life my relationship with the armed forces has been marked by my admiration and deep respect for everything you strive to achieve, hahhahahahha
And I know that yours is a job which often calls for great personal risk but you do get to travel a lot and play sport.
This year men and women from across the armed forces have lost their lives in action in both Iraq and Afghanistan - and we've got similar plans for you next year.
My thoughts and prayers are with their families and friends especially at this Christmas season - looks good to be seen to care.
For those servicemen and women who have been injured in the course of their service, I wish each and every one of you a speedy recovery - cause we sure as hell don't want to have to pay the medical costs.
For those of your families spending this Christmas without you, I want to express my appreciation for the understanding they show and the sacrifices they make on our behalf - I certainly wouldn't send my own sons off to any actual danger.
Our country asks a lot of you and your working class families.
I have much appreciated the opportunities I have had to meet so many of you during my various visits over the past 12 months and I always draw strength from your dedication, resolve and good humour - certainly makes me laugh.
My father King George VI said that 'the highest of distinctions is service to others'.
There is no higher goal. Your service to our country is - I believe - an outstanding example of that ideal. I am grateful to you all for continuing to believe it.
I wish you, and your families, a happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year.
In Iraq and Afghanistan you continue to make an enormous contribution in helping to rebuild those countries - or should I say, shooting farmers and raping their sons and daughters.
In other operational theatres - war zones - you undertake essential duties with a professionalism which is so highly regarded the world over - Shame you don't get paid as much as the british mercenaries (sorry, I mean 'contractors').
Members of my own family have had the opportunity this year to visit you on operations and see at first hand the scope of your work - while remaining completely safe far away from danger and getting all the chicks.
They have been hugely impressed by the spirit in which you go about your business in the most difficult and dangerous circumstances - it never ceases to amaze us just how gullible you all are with this whole queen and country nonsense.
Your courage and loyalty are not lightly taken - we count on it.
It is a pledge which calls for sacrifice and devotion to duty - and we wouldn't be where we are today without the likes of you (mugs).
Throughout my life my relationship with the armed forces has been marked by my admiration and deep respect for everything you strive to achieve, hahhahahahha
And I know that yours is a job which often calls for great personal risk but you do get to travel a lot and play sport.
This year men and women from across the armed forces have lost their lives in action in both Iraq and Afghanistan - and we've got similar plans for you next year.
My thoughts and prayers are with their families and friends especially at this Christmas season - looks good to be seen to care.
For those servicemen and women who have been injured in the course of their service, I wish each and every one of you a speedy recovery - cause we sure as hell don't want to have to pay the medical costs.
For those of your families spending this Christmas without you, I want to express my appreciation for the understanding they show and the sacrifices they make on our behalf - I certainly wouldn't send my own sons off to any actual danger.
Our country asks a lot of you and your working class families.
I have much appreciated the opportunities I have had to meet so many of you during my various visits over the past 12 months and I always draw strength from your dedication, resolve and good humour - certainly makes me laugh.
My father King George VI said that 'the highest of distinctions is service to others'.
There is no higher goal. Your service to our country is - I believe - an outstanding example of that ideal. I am grateful to you all for continuing to believe it.
I wish you, and your families, a happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year.
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