Back in the dark days of internet dial-up, there was UK chat site Faceparty where ageing, balding, charmless BNP "heavies" would arrange wifeswap orgies when not trying to chat up underage site users, but these days the dogging parties, like the BNP, is all but a fleeting memory for the devoted the internet racist. Since the development of Facebook and Twitter, full-on KKK memes can be shared throughout the land at a jackbooted click of a mouse, leaving a hand (or more precisely) a wrist free for emergency excitement generation.



From the casual racist to the careerist fourteen-words race hater, there is a page, group, and hashtag suited to every moronic, genocidal racist need. Not a second of every minute goes by without some sexually impotent racist imbecile posting a call for a mosque to be desecrated with bacon, blown-up or burnt down, people with darker skins to be exterminated, or a Holocaust to be re-enacted / denied. Much of the content of the UK's budding fascist fanatic fantasist scene verges upon serious criminal incitement under UK law, and yet, either out of sheer laziness, ineptness or advertising revenue greed, both Facebook and Twitter pretend the First Amendment applies worldwide, whilst we have laws already available on the statute book to punish online racial and religious misdemeanours, if the police and CPS finally choose to act against the domestic white supremacist theat.

Several Labour MP's such as John Mann and Luciana Berger, and the All-Party Parliamentary Group Against Antisemitism, support a far tougher stance against the manifestation of online hate both via domestic anti-hate legislature, and via diplomatic pressure exerted upon American social media conglomerates.

It goes to show how inanely dumb UK fascists are. Knowing full well the game is up if Labour win the next election, you would expect net-savvy haters with a couple of brain cells each to encourage fellow far right voters to vote Conservative, understanding if the bigoted vote returns to the Tories, they would have a winning majority at the forthcoming election and no brand-new online anti-hate law would ever make it on the statute books. Instead of attempting to think with what remains of their alcohol-addled brains, the oiks and bumpkins of the EDL, BNP and Shitain First instinctively latch onto the racist and homophobic thrill of UKIP allowing Labour the victory, and putting pay to all future online hate.



Fash kippers like James Oxby and David Jones are unwittingly helping eradicate online hate by splitting the rightwing vote. Keep up the good work, Oxby and Jones. You know you secretly want to end all hate......

Under the expected new anti-hate laws to be brought in under the next Labour (or Labour coalition) government, whilst mild casual racism won't warrant draconian punishments, shouty far right bigots promoting racial or religious conflict or outright white supremacism will expect to receive custodial sentences similar to those already given to cyber Islamic extremists for comparable offences.

We could go a step further and go all UKIP, reintroducing the birch for every bigot using the word "mussie", the cat of nine tails for anyone wanting to (in their words) "shoot p*kis", the Iron Maiden (either medieval torture device or forced listening to classic hits CD) for tuppence-hapenny neo-Nazis wanting to ethnically cleanse their local Lidl, and waterboarding / the ducking stool for saying the three magic NWI / Casuals United words "Hitler Was Right".



Seeing annoying, purile, putrid cyberfascists get their buttocks pummelled to an almighty pulp might give a fleeting moment's pleasure to a victim of a racist death threat, but becoming a mirror image of the hateful fash will ultimately make us lot as bad as them. Besides, ducking stools have backrests, meaning they are technically chairs not stools.



Antifascists are not seeking to get even with nazis. All we want to do is to make cyberspace a better place, where we can go safely about our own business, shopping online, chatting, reading our horoscopes etc., without accidentally stumbling across calls for the crusades must be re-enacted in Croydon town centre several times a day.

As caring, compassionate human beings - the ultimate punishment for the act of spreading online hate, should not be a punishment at all, but rather an exercise in educational rehabilitation. All anti-Muslim haters who purport to be "Christians" (listen up, Bin Bag Legions of Britain First!) should be enrolled for a lifetime as monks and nuns, protecting their status as friendless virgins by covering up their anonymous naughty bits with burka-like clothing). They will soon "get in the habit" (if you excuse the pun). All mock football hooligans who use "five words" or neo-nazis who use "fourteen words" should be locked in a room and forced to watch the entire back catalogue of Sesame Street until they learn several dozen basic words.


Anybody who posts "impending civil war" comments should be forced to join the Salvation Army and give up both their militaristic lust, and the demon drink. Yes, Stella.


Where would a racist be without his beloved Stella Artois. Supping old man's real ale just isn't the same, and microbrewery hipsters aren't down with Pam Geller. It may be a start, maybe, if courts force net haters to wear carpet slippers instead of wanky faux-hooligan 1980s Adidas sweatshop classics. As for the balaclavas, these should be replaced with retro, Where's Wally bobble hats......


We might as well, while we are at it, go full Hebden Bridge, and pop a few happy-happy-peace-and-love pills for good measure. Let's do a York mosque but be careful to ensure aggrieved victims of racial stalking don't slip arsenic micky-finns into the cups of the "Pie and Mash Squaddies, whilst our backs are turned, hugging and kissing with gay abandon.


Long prison sentences do no good whatsoever in rehabilitating racists, teaching haters not to hate. They don't reform, or change the way far right people think. Mista Yaxo has been cooped up for several tedium-inducing stretches at Her Majesty's Pleasure, and yet, his "New Era Timeline" is inseparable from his "Old Era Timeline", still blindly equating law-abiding Muslim people with paedophilia.


Come "Springtime For Tommy", when his bail finally runs out, the convicted wifebeater and fraudster will raise two fingers at Quilliam, grow a Hitler Moustache, and release his long-awaited Islamophobic novella "My Struggle", whilst ripping off his Luton Comrades with maliciously exploitative knock off MIG (Men In Gear) designer gear, following on from stealing the name "Tommy Robinson" from the hooligan gang he still pretends to belong to.


Instead of prison, all convicted online racists should be disconnected from the internet by court order, and stripped of all mobile phone usage. Racist kippers who long for the return of the mythical 1950s should be banned from using all modern life enhancements including vehicular transit, satellite dishes, microwave ovens, ready meals, frozen chips, dishwashers, and colour TVs. Get them writing with quills, peeling spuds by hand, and reading heavy doorstopping books - not trashy airport novels, books like War And Peace. Cancelling their subscriptions to the Daily Express and Mail, the Guardian Newspaper should be slipped forcibly onto their doormats, and hey-ho, the UK's shameful bigots might be changed once and for all, from despicable fearmongers into budding poet laureates.


A few months down the line, teetotal, compassionate, and thinking of others instead of his egotistical, self-important god-like self, Justin Bonehill will be getting in the next round of organic, vegan carrot juice cocktails.