Bush promised that on 5-1-2003 (a very famous holiday around the world) his new gang of CIA-FBI agents will shoot USMC wifes and children in the back while "running" after they "identify individuals as al kida" whose qualifications remain a secret.

He also said this new headquarters will be respnosible for "desiminating threats". Perhaps other civil servants can return to their real jobs now, but local police have been conscripted to cooperate. Local police have not promised to shoot USMC children in the back, yet. Please notify me if you hear about anything like that.

Bush also announced that registered voters in the USA are "running" although they are not allowed to march in front of the UN.

The federel legislature, a less meaningful debating society than the Jewish Defense League ever since Bush inaugerated himself and promised World Wide War III before the speech was over, was presented with a threat to the public educational system which is the most powerful WMD ever devised in the history of the world before time machines and was reported to be established in the 16th century. He threatens to divide the money up into payoffs called vouchers for people who believe his history books.

John Snow flunked a first grade math test today when he implied that Bush's proposed tax cut was an example of the "discipline" called for by Alan Greenspan, to improve the economy and avoid future economic disasters.

I wish people wouldn't make up goofy conspiracy theories like George Washington is still alive and impersonates a woman in River Oaks in an uppity neighborhood in Houston, TX where the presidents parents live among Enron executives, however Dolly has died, Clonaid is nervous, and I have a one dollar bill with a very suspicious picture on it. As a matter of fact I thought he was a black dude.

I can't verify any of that information but I can assure you that Canadian Red Green thought up that duct tape idea before the intelligence community stole it and he said that Americans weren't stupid enough to fall for it.

The chances of an orthodox extremist muslim terrorist being in the United States this week during such a big holiday are less than winning the lottery.

British troops relentlessly defended Heathrow airport from suspicious luggage for the second day in a row. A kill ratio of luggage to TV sets worldwide has been estimated at 1 to 100.

The pope said "God bless Iraq" and Iraq promised to let Hans Blix strip search the whole country.

I still have my retroactive frequent flyer miles from Chase Manhatten Bank and I have threatened to not take a bath for a week, dress up like Osama Bin Ladin and use them for a trip to New York.

A crackdown on corporate shenanigans has been reported while drug war news from Bermuda remains blacked out.

Ebola outbreak was reported, what a coincidence.

by Albert Kada
Independent Terrorist Journalist
Special Agent CIA-A-1
World's only publisher of computer viruses besides Microsoft.
Stolen from the unpublished newspaper "The American Blasphemer" please copy