Lady Britannia wants out of the House!

A distraught Lady Britannia confided in BNP reporters yesterday, that she was desperate to get evicted from the Big Brother House of Europe. She said she was duped 30 years ago by the House founders after promises of wealth, fame and influence were made, but her time in the House has been one long nightmare.

"It wasn't long before I realised I had made a terrible mistake. I am shunned by the others, Heidi Deutsch and Jacques France make all the rules and bribe the other members of the House to support them. I have to work harder than any of the others and I get very little back from the fridge. The Committee that runs the House has got more powerful and I have little say in the running of things. The Committee has made up over 100,000 rules for living in the House! There is no aspect of life that is not covered by these rules. Everything from putting out the rubbish to how long we can spend in the bathroom is all dictated by these rules. I am sick of it and I want the viewers to have a chance to evict me."

She told of the appalling waste in the House. "We have more food than we know what to do with. We can't move for wine bottles and sacks of grain. One day we destroyed a small mountain of unwanted tomatoes, the amount of waste is a scandal. The Committee sits around making up more rules while the rest of us has to work and we end up with even more waste. Hans Dane is the only other House resident that is unhappy about things and he wants to get out as well."

"Before coming into the House, I was a very independent kind of girl. I had built up my own network of friends and had been very successful. My family relations with Aunt Canada, Cousin Rhodesia and Dear Uncle Kiwi had been very good. We all got on very well together and dearly loved each other. Since coming into the House I haven't heard from any of them, it breaks my heart sometimes. I understand that Cousin R has now sadly passed on."

House expansion

She added "The Committee wants to introduce even more residents into the House. I have been told I will have to share my tiny and full bedroom with Gabor Magyar and Basha Pole. I don't even know if they are male or female. There is no room and when I complained to Jacques France that his room was bigger and he should share his room, he sent me a box of 1,200 miniature Kurds. I opened the box and they all streamed out before I could put the lid back on. I cannot find a single one but I know they are in my room somewhere. I am losing my dignity. I really must get out."

Lady Britannia was delighted to hear about two unofficial polls taking place later this week. One is being organised by the "Daily Mail", a newspaper long worried about the plight of Lady Britannia. The other is being arranged by the Pro-Democracy League. Both polls allow the British electorate to have a say in whether there should be an official Government sponsored referendum on the subject of Britain's role in Europe.



With thanks to Tony Bennett for the inspiration!