Many women may stay in such relationships for years. It takes an average of 35 incidents for a woman to seek help. One woman, Lorraine is reported on the Amnesty website as saying "People have asked me why I didn't just leave, but I was very, very frightened of him. So you get to the point where you live with it, it becomes a normal pattern of life, you adapt, you cope, you hide it." "Mary" said that “women may stay for reasons that range from terror to love. She may not leave because she thinks that things will get better or because her self-esteem is so low.” She pointed out that if a woman is abused by the person she has lived with and is supposed to have loved her, perhaps for years, she may not be in a position where she feels confident enough to leave.

If a woman does want to have help and support when she leaves she can get in touch with the Women’s Aid Federation. This was set up in 1974 to bring together about 40 new refuge groups around the country. The problem of domestic violence had been hidden until the women’s liberation movement in the 1960s and 1970s. Before this, domestic violence had been seen as being a private issue, to be solved between couples. The refuges were set up as a result of women coming together and finding out about the extent of the problem. They have expanded since then. The purpose of Women’s Aid now is to “Offer support and a place of safety to abused women and children by providing refuges and other services…Empower women affected by domestic violence to determine their own lives…Recognise and meet the needs of children affected by domestic violence… Promote policies and practices to prevent domestic violence…Raise awareness of the extent and impact of domestic violence in society.” Over 500 refuges exist within The Women’s Aid Federation, and in 2001/2002 they supported 143,337 women and 114,489 children. 40,000 women and children were staying in their refuges (Read more).

Cambridge Women’s Aid is one of these refuges, and it was formed in 1976. They work on providing safe accommodation for women and children in Cambridge and in other areas as well. They also support victims of domestic violence who do not live in the refuge. They have a 24 hr helpline and women can also come in and see them to talk about their situation. "Mary" says that any woman could come to see them regardless of their situation and that they would never judge anyone. She spoke about how she had met some of the original founders of the refuge, and they had said that when they founded it they had believed that refuges would not exist by 2004. While proud of Cambridge Women's Aid's achievements over the years, it saddened the founders that women's equality in society has not come about as they hoped and that refuges are still so necessary after all this time.

Domestic violence is one symptom of the wider problem of women’s subordination to men. Many women in our society do the less valued caring work, are often not respected, account for most of the victims of rape, and they do the majority of the housework. One’s gender can influence one’s life in a number of ways, from whether you do the dishes most of the time, or are taken seriously when you speak to whether you are abused by your partner (Read more).