Aries: (March 21—April 19)
You want a change in your life. Unfortunately the transition to 2005 will not bring this for you. Apart from initially forgetting to change the year whenever you write the date for the first few weeks, your dreary existence will continue very much as before

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
Taurians are highly concerned with personal wealth. However since Freedom filters out all subscribers from bourgeois areas we know that your personal “wealth” is largely contained in your labour power. That’s right: your ability to work. And let’s be honest: you’re a no-good slacker. With a bad attitude. And no skills.
Mate - it’s not looking good.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
2005 will be a year of great intellectual growth for you. In March you finally realise you should put your trousers on *before* your shoes, and daily life instantly becomes less of a struggle.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Next winter you will be drenched with water by a driver who thought it would be amusing to soak your hippy arse by driving through a huge puddle outside your squat. That evening you find yourself not being immediately spurned by all members of the opposite sex, and it slowly dawns on you that maybe, just maybe you should start to shower.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
One drunken evening, well into dusk, you and a comrade arguing the relative merits of anarcho-communism and anarcho-syndicalism in modern Britain will be struck by the Earth-shattering revelation that they are in fact exactly the same. Fortunately however you will have forgotten this by morning, much in the same way as when you dream the meaning of life, but come the next day you can’t quite put your finger on what it was… But hey at least the other people in your Federation will still talk to you.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
A few days into the new year, living in Paris, you leave the Dyelo Truda group. You concoct a plan to gain entry to the Soviet Union by writing articles implying sympathy with the regime. You get a strange sensation you are living out the last year in the life of Peter Arshinov, but shake off the doubts as you cross into the USSR and help organise anarchist groups. As you are taken to be executed you realise you should have listened to them.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
2005 will bring many great things for you. After a fun-filled New Year break you will find a computer error has tripled your wages and redefined your job description to underwear-appraiser for the stars. You get off with the trophy partner of the editor of a well-known trendy lifestyle magazine and get whisked around the world on their Lear jet, snorting cocaine with Chomsky and spreading the word of libertarian communism across the globe. (What a happy coincidence: I’m a Libra! – Ed)

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Your brief spring dalliance with a Trotskyist group of paedononces ends as swiftly as it began after an argument about R Kelly takes a nasty turn.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You will finally find the solution to world hunger, poverty, boredom and alienation which has always been just around the corner. Then you’ll discover the secret to cold fusion and a cure for AIDS before, in a cruel twist of fate, being caught by some hungry escaped piranha in the Thames and eaten alive.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Your dreads begin to fuse together as the year begins. As the months pass and interconnections spread, covalent bonds form between billions upon billions of dread molecules, as faint chemical and static electrical impulses begin to course their way across the surface and by November your lone uber-dread has become self-aware. Upon gaining intelligence it decides to get itself a haircut.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18 )
Your next year’s experiment in free love will find you 2m inside the perimeter of Lakenheath, legs akimbo and pants around your ankles when you realise that Poison Ivy isn’t just an affectionate horticultural nickname…


Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
At work next year, with Jupiter rising in the fourth quadrant, you will be exploited by a tall, dark character masquerading as a friend. With the guise of helping you he in will in fact get you to work for him, while only paying you a small fraction of the value of your labour, keeping the surplus for himself and expanding his empire of control.


The above piece is taken from Freedom, Anarchist News and Views, 11th December 2004. For a free sample copy email subs AT freedompress.org.uk

Happy New Year to all Indymedia users from all of us at Freedom Press!