On July 21st, a young man of Asian appearance, carrying a rucksack, boarded the tube after consuming a vindaloo for lunch. As the train approached Warren St. platform, he farted and the stench of sulphur filled the carriage.

Jittery passengers shouted "grab him" so, when the doors opened, the Asian, thinking he was about to be lynched, dropped his bag and 'legged-it' at full speed up the escalator, with vigilantes in hot pursuit.

Anti-terror squads arrived at the station in chemical suits and followed the pong. Meanwhile, a man with wires protruding from his body, (his I-Pod) was seen running along Tottenham Court Road, where there is a CCTV camera, every three meters.

Nearby University College Hospital was cordoned off and about three dozen armed police officers roamed around the wards. Any number of patients could have stopped the suspect, but the MET couldn't find him.

There was also a small detonation at the back of the 26 bus on Hackney Road, no-one was hurt, but surely the CCTV was working on this bus, which had been diverted after the underground incidents.

Parts of London were evacuated, including Oval and Shepherd's Bush, where the sheeple were herded out of the area. After the sophistication of the July 7th attack, these "dummy explosions" two weeks later, were a spectacular, simultaneous failure.

An Asian man who happened to be passing Whithall at the time, wearing a rucksack, was forced to the ground by a policeman aiming a semi-automatic weapon. It was a false alarm, the man was completely innocent, but the intimidating picture still made the Front Page.

Today, another Asian suspect, for wearing a coat on a warm day, was hotly pursued by three undercover officers into a tube at Stockwell, where, after tripping him onto the floor and piling on top of him, rather than make an arrest, they unloaded five bullets into his body. Shoot first...ask questions later!

Presently, armed response units are surrounding a mosque in East London, where, we are meant to believe Muslims are harbouring another suspect. Perhaps he was 'radicalized' at a religious school in Pakistan recently, or read that 'terror-manual' called the Koran?

Tony Blair admitted that the aim of these bombings is to make people, "worried, frightened and anxious" so, an imaginative chap coined the phrase, "we are not afraid" and the Queen has adopted it as the national motto, but we are not amused!

New Labour has presented New Scotland Yard with the challenge of thwarting the New al Qaeda as we rush headlong into the New World Order. All things are new, especially the terror legislation which could see you shot, for being an Asian wearing a coat with an I-Pod and farting on the tube while carrying a rucksack.