If the stuff I write is the ranting of a crazed nutter, that’s good… because what it means is, I can be locked up in a secure hospital for my safety and yours, and you can go on to win the wonderful war on terror and live happily ever after in your lovely democracies. When the G8 depose all nasty despots, the World Bank will open it’s coffers to feed the starving and the IMF will invest in development projects for the poor. Freedom will spread like a rampant plague!

Young people will flock to the draft to serve the President in his conquest to replace tyranny with liberty. It’s worth the sacrifice. Biometrics will bring an end to the threat of terrorism in our midst and criminals of all persuasions will be thwarted. People will gladly volunteer for the amazing implantable chip. Detention without charge will yield precious intelligence to save lives. CCTV will deter crime. ASBO’s will make society safer and ‘hoodys’ will cease to intimidate.

The Health Service will work miracles and Cancer Research will finally find a cure. Vaccines will prevent disease and it will be proven that AIDS flew out of an African monkey’s ass. The military will administer tender loving care in a Bird Flu pandemic and quarantine will be effective. The nice people of New Orleans will get a brand spanking new city to return to, thanks to Halliburton, and racism and homophobia will vanish forever, with enforcement of Hate Laws.

The transport system will improve and education standards will rise in the UK with Opus Dei’s Ruth Kelly at the helm. A drugs Czar will make people will give up smoking and intoxicating liquor. Same gender marriages will be another success story and teenage pregnancy will be history, after sex classes in school. Freedom of speech to praise our fantastic leaders doing a difficult job, will be enshrined in a manifesto. Things are looking rosy in the ‘Garden of Eden.’

The Wildlands Project will enhance the USA and mammoths will be reintroduced to roam on the prairies. Governments will cut ‘greenhouse’ emissions and chemtrails will fill the hole in the ozone layer to stop global warming. Alternative energy will be developed. Star Wars technology will protect the planet from evil alien invaders and security will be guaranteed. Mars will be terraformed and space shuttle fights will take you there for vacations.

Meanwhile, I’ll be bouncing off the padded walls of my cell, in a straight jacket…