I realise this post is barely blog material let alone news, a breach of guidelines for sure, but writing distracts my rational mind from the burning sensation in my head so no apologies. I'll include a few recent links on whatever I'm talking about as a fig leaf for you if you want to leave this unhidden and I hope it is left unhidden at least until M replies.

I have bad toothache just now. Really bad toothache, but I've been drinking heavily so it's not so bad as it was. Any women reading should realise male toothache is far worse than female toothache, simply because we are less used to pain. If you want to pity me, pity me on Wednesday morning when I've a hangover AND toothache. I've got an emergency appointment with my dentist on Wednesday as I have a good relationship with him and have impressed him in the past with my lack of whining. I plan to stay drunk until Tuesday evening and I am chain smoking.

I had my front teeth knocked out by a drunk with a bottle of martini when I was 17 and an huge abscess formed in my upper jaw that wasn't detected until I was 24 when I had a filling repaired. After the filling was repaired, I endured about two weeks of agony as the hole had been a pressure release. It was really funny when the dentist removed the filling, he left the room deliberately and sent a nurse in. I thought she smelled worse than shit, but I was smelling the 7 years of poison seeping out into my mouth - and so was she. It's the only sustained physical pain I have suffered in my life, much worse than now so far.

Pain is interesting from afar. Close up it is distracting even without whisky but I'll take my time writing this and rereading it before posting to compensate. I know it would be more ironic to drink martini as a painkiller, but martini tastes shit. I would certainly never type this sober. Whisky is the simply the best pain killer on hand, but a friend three streets away has morphine if I would risk the walk. Too painful to walk there so not an option yet, but it's nice to have options if things get worse.

I've also got breast cancer, which doesn't hurt at all unless you poke it. I get an odd pins and needles sensation throughout my left lung, no worse than having a 'dead leg' sort of numbness, though it is always creepy to be able to actually feel any internal organ. Breast cancer in men has been known since the 13th century, it just isn't known about by most men.

I once simultaneously had pleurisy in my right lung before AND hiccups. Each hiccup was a dagger in my chest, I still find that funny, funnier than this toothache. If cancer gets into your bones that it hurts and I won't be hanging around for that, there isn't enough whisky. I do rationally know that my toothache shouldn't be an excuse to smoke, but my aim so far in life hasn't been to try to live forever, just to enjoy whatever I'm doing as much as I can while I can. I'm not definitely going to die from breast cancer soon, but I am definitely going to die, and so are you - 'you have your whole life to do something and it isn't that long'. Even if 'millions currently living will live forever' as some claim, I won't be able to afford it nor would I if I could. Life is only beautiful because it is ephemeral.

I haven't told anyone I really know that I have breast cancer because I've just found out and it is a bit of a surprise given that I am a bloke and don't have breasts. Men ignore it as a female disease but that is just the fog of statistics. If you are a man and you notice a lump in near your nipple then there are several explanations but you should get it checked out asap. Men generally die quicker from breast cancer because they have less breast tissue and so it spreads faster to the rest of the body cavity. I waited a month to see whether it was innocent, and another three weeks for an initial appointment, longer for the test results and I'm still waiting on a biopsy that I only got because I demanded it. In a way, for skinny guys, if you have noticed it it is already too late though I may be overly negative given my current toothache, get it checked out anyway. Even my female doctors first reaction was to feel my balls for expanatory lumps, and for some shallow reason I suddenly lost all embarrassment about having breast cancer simply because I don't have testicular cancer. Even though that has a higher survival rate ! You can stick 'He died with his balls on' on my tombstone, hopefully, though I personally don't trust any God or fate that gives a breast cancer victim toothache to leave my testicles intact. Fewer priests, more dentists, that's my mantra.

I wrote 'FAO M' because M promised me moral support previously on any given subject, and even if this is hidden then I know M can respond, I read  http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/viewallposts.html too.

M, I am Danny, Snickers/SinNick too, I am umpteen other names too since we argued over surveillance cameras and you posted a few false posts under my chosen pseudonymn to discredit me. However, I haven't taken advantage of my necessary deception, perhaps simply because it doesn't profit me, and I do appreciate you amending your name to M=Big Brother to save me the time. I don't appreciate your retaliation though, posting fake posts under my name and I am equally embarrassed by your support of my other arguments under other names. In retrospect I think it is important that anarchists don't post under a single name when as that only feeds personality politics, but since I won't be posting here for long I think you should allow me that vanity unhindered.

You are wrong on CCTV surveillance, although I perhaps tricked you into arguing for CCTV cameras in every home I did that to expose a common fallacy - the fallacy that 'you wouldn't complain if you have nothing to fear'. And I have to repeat this slander, that you have consistently failed to criticise our governments position on any given topic, and that may indicate you are one of the folk who are certainly paid to post here. However, even one of my own sisters buys Blair's bullshit so I know you may just be an innocent who thinks they are doing good by 'being rational'. I can accept my sister or you if you moderate your opinion a tad and open your mind a similar degree. I know even if you are employed by the security services that they certainly employ many people who are capable of independent thought. Even if speculation here is false, it is still worthy of consideration simply for it's rarity, no single lie here can be as damaging as the lies we are constantly fed and the truths we are constantly starved of.

I am not speaking rationally, alcohol does lower inhibitions more than most painkillers. It is not very likely that I will be alive in a year so it is not very rational for me to be bothered what happens to the rest of you, I don't have kids so I should be concentrating on getting some sympathy sex from my ex's rather than freeing you lot from voluntary subjectation. For some intellectual reason though I feel the need to compare your muted criticism of the establishment to the cigarette in my mouth. For some I don't understand yet I'd rather everyone paid more attention to people suffering in Iraq and what that means personally in the long term to my short term toothache. If you can't support this, I still wish you'd cut me some slack and let me post under the one name for the next while - and explain to anyone else who follows your tactics the limits of those tactics. Posting under multiple names only strengthens my arguments and gives a false portrait of IM as a more vibrant site than it really is. Half the dissension on here as been me lately, and that is more depressing to me than the rest of this post.

Feel free to apologise in full by rethinking your opinion that only the guilty have something to fear from police surveillance, though that isn't obligatory. In my mood swings I threaten much, but my bark is worse than my bite unfortunately.
My own view on my own current situation- ie should smokers like me increase your tax burden simply to extend our lives - no, but we have paid tax and we are capable of free will, you should subside pain relief and a dignified death for those of us who can't afford it or improvise it. And you should be polite to us even as we are impolite to you, we are still sometimes capable of rational thought, it just takes more effort. Oh, and in todays Britain, it pays to be nice to your dentist. If you like me have the luxury of a sympathetic NHS dentist, then give them gifts if you can't afford their fees. They might not keep you alive but they keep you more pain-free than your doctor can reasonably promise to.




IM newswire fig leafs: (think of this as a public service health announcement but just to anarchists who normally ignore establishment advice)

Genetic test doesn't reveal all breast cancer mutations
 http://www.foodconsumer.org/777/8/Genetic_testing_for_breast_cancer_mutations_not_perfect_.shtml

Do men get breast cancer?
 http://aboutplastic.surgery.uiowa.edu/surgery/physpubs/malebreastcancer.html

Warning over male breast cancer
 http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4720808.stm

Pliers Cure Toothache If Dentists Don’t
 http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&section=0&article=78387&d=25&m=2&y=2006&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom