Thursday, September 20, 2007


Sep. 20, 2007 (McClatchy-Tribune News Service delivered by Newstex) -- One of South Florida's most unsung and unheralded bachelors is on his way to Turkey, of all places.
He's going to continue his career as a physical trainer for one of the wealthiest country clubs in the world (or so he claims!).
Hollywood, as he likes to be called, is a native of New Jersey and a former baseball pitcher whose claim to fame was walking Barry Bonds before allowing a grand slam two batters later. His career with the Mets lasted one more game and ended all too early with an arm injury.
What didn't end was his ability to charm women with the confidence and humor all single guys should be lucky enough to possess (or, if you watch VH1, develop through episodes of the Pick-Up Artist).
Hanging out with Hollywood, you can't help but take notes when you see him in action.
''How young are you?'' he asks a woman one night. ''Depending on your answer you will be busy Friday night.''
''I am 23,'' she replies.
''Good answer! You have won a trip to (insert clubhere) with me on Friday,'' he says as she laughs. ''By the way, what's your name?''
As the conversation continues, he asks for her phone number. ''I'm sorry but I don't give numbers to anybody,'' she says.
''Look at me,'' he replies with a big grin. ''Do I look like I am just anybody?''
It's that kind of confident humor, self-deprecating at times, that delivers his charm as surely as his fastball when he cruised through college and the minors before being called up to the major leagues.
''It really all depends on the girl and her reaction,'' he tells me, claiming his success rate is usually 8 out of 10.
''If they don't laugh the first time, maybe they think your joke was cheesy, then you have to start making fun of yourself.''
What also works in his favor is his New Yorkish accent and attitude (despite having grown up in New Jersey).
He shared one of his most classic tales during dinner at a Las Vegas bachelor party. He met a woman at a bar in New Jersey who was a Yankees fan, like himself. They got to talking, dancing, some kissing, and an hour later the scene shifted to her car.
As the make-out session continued, he touched her leg and (Hollywood bangs on the table with his fist for emphasis) . . . he realized her right leg was a prosthetic.
Now, to keep things clean in this family newspaper, cut to the final scene. A cop knocks on the steamy car window, sees the leg in the back seat, decides there is no way he is writing this report and wishes the two of them a safe night.
Our table of bachelors was rolling with laughter, some a bit in shock. For Hollywood, it was as if he had delivered a strike right down the middle.
Now he prepares for his move overseas -- last I heard a woman he helps train was driving him to the mall to buy him some clothes and sneakers -- and he realizes the culture may not allow his charm and humor to be as effective.
Somehow, I don't think that will stop him, and I wouldn't be surprised if the next time I hear about him would be in regards to Turkish-television's version of 'The Pick-Up Artist.'
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(Contact Fred Gonzalez at  fgonzalez@MiamiHerald.com.)
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(c) 2007, The Miami Herald.
Visit The Miami Herald Web edition on the World Wide Web at  http://www.herald.com/
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
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