Presently some of my readers may argue that as this is the third published episode concerning Dick’s crimes and he remains blissfully at large, I should give up the series—dedicated as it is to keeping track of his continuing misdeeds. In other words, I should just throw in the towel (e.g., the one inherited from Ford Prefect that responds so well to dryer sheets). Sorry, no go. What is more, as is frequently the case with serial criminals like Dick, his venality is such that he is an expert at making you feel sorry for him—so don’t feel bad if he's sucked you in.
Then again, other readers (the ones with brains) may be asking, Why doesn’t Dick do the right thing and quit practicing law without a license? Gee, let me think… Could it be most of his victims are pretty much dead and not able to complain, or that those in his confidence have either been paid off and, or, have children and are too afraid to come forward? Or could it be he really does mean well and wants to give up his illegal law practice but can’t figure out how else to earn a living, for example, peddling fruit on a street corner in Salem (admittedly honest employment)—a task my most intelligent readers think is too good for him? As for your Friendly Ghost, I’m no shirker: I have learned to love my enemies, i.e., Dick & Dodds (a moment they've been counting on, which my most scrutinizing readers will realize is a silly strategical error). Oh, what’s a heaven for?
Speaking of heaven, if you are invisible like me, you may be wondering why a benevolent G. allows honest, hard-working ghosts (c’est moi), with one foot in this world and one in t’other, to spend their valuable time thus. That is, hunting down brazen fiends like Dick & Dodds who have no ethics, no morals, no conscience, and who (to rub a little extra salt in the wound) have obtained a license, carte blanche, from the State of Oregon to rob productive members of society? Yes indeedy, on their way to the bank, Dodds & Dick nimbly step over the bodies of those they’ve swindled. Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved!
At any rate, how anyone can bear to be around such a scumbag, perfect mixture that he is of pride and promiscuity, is difficult to say. And, in case you’re wondering, Dick & Dodds have accomplices: For instance, their kissing cousin, Allison McLean, of Incline Village, NV, AKA Attorney Virginia “Ginny” Irving, who like her cousin has been practicing law without a license (in the State of California) for about twenty years, which is very naughty as she has about two semesters of junior college (in drawing); and, there is also Dick’s not-so-nice Mother, Pauline Merriman (longtime mistress of Robert Dodd); and Dick’s Stepfather, Nicholas Merriman, Sr. (too homely for anyone to bother with); and Dick’s sister, Carol Merriman, who if married to Nick Merriman, Jr., has managed to keep fit enough to drive get-away cars and stash evidence. For example, with Dick & Dodds at the helm, this merry band defrauded Harriett Carroll (Dick’s aunt/ Allison McLean’s mother/ Pauline’s only sibling, etc.) to the tune of $5,000,000.00. Sadly, as a direct result of their shocking betrayal and theft, Ms. Carroll, eldest daughter of American Songwriters Composers Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) Charter Founder/ Member, Songwriter Harry Carroll (Trail on the Lonesome Pine, I'm Always Chasing Rainbows, There's A Girl in the Heart of Maryland, etc.), died of a broken heart (may her dear soul rest in peace…).
So just what is Oregon’s role with respect to Dick & Dodds, et al.? Is the State a person who can be prosecuted and put in jail? Can one shout, Get your hands up, Portland! We’ve got you surrounded! Or cry, Freeze, Oswego, You’re under arrest! Will these communities really suffer for not locking Dick & Dodds up?
Then again, what will happen to Incline Village, NV, for not tar, feathering, and running Allison McLean and her husband, Stephen McLean (first cousin of her first husband, Wayne), who coincidentally has the intelligence quotient (and god knows what else) of a freeze-dried peanut? Ah! Throw down your weapons Incline, And there won’t be any further... By the way, the major claim to fame of Mr. & Mrs. Stephen McLean is holding title as one of Nevada’s biggest Money Launderers and Meth-Amphetamine Producers, which might not be as surprising as what, in these hard times when everyone seems to be cutting back on ingredients, they’re putting in that Meth.
Further, and not to be cynical, so what if the so-called Oregon “State” Bar (ask any school child, this organization is not government operated) backs off its original position that Dodds is only Dick's business name (sadly, Dodds & Dick have different SSN #’s, D.O.B.’s, education backgrounds, etc.) and revoke his law license? So what if Dick’s creepy law firm, Brownstein Rask Arenz Sweeney Kerr & Grim, who likewise initially argued there’s nothing wrong with using a fictitious business name, decides to do the right thing and fire Dodds? Do you honestly think Dick, or Dodds, or whatever the hell this guy’s name is, would give a damn? This S.O.B. is too rich to care now! Dodds & Dick’ll just hi-tail it to his safe hide away (Santa Barbara, California) so he can get on with his ménage a trois in peace (i.e., which includes a North Hollywood, California, Joker who rumor has it has a Hefti you know what).
It’s enough to make the Devil himself despair—something Dick doubtless is counting on. But I’ll keep writing and you keep reading. After all, it would seem he has been forgiven more accidental deaths than any decent identity thief should be allowed.
Until next time, if you're in the U.S. have a safe and blessed Memorial Day.
Signed, The Ghost of Christmas Future
P. S. Watch for Episode 4, “Look For The Silver Lining,” Coming Soon…
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE