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mrs blears aka squirrel nutkin

peter rabbit | 03.06.2009 12:05

sending squirrel nutkin nuts

mrs hazel blears aka squirrel nutkin

46 victoria road
salford
m68ey

please send nuts, lots of nuts...

peter rabbit

Comments

Hide the following 2 comments

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

03.06.2009 12:28

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

not the 9-oclock news


Dr Know

04.06.2009 11:38

Angry crowd of locals gathering as we speak. Blears cowers inside property. Curtains twitch. Blears makes attempt to speak to crowd - police inspector disudes her fearing an escalation of events. My god this is a nightmare for Blears. Who would have thought this real time mightmare would be manifesting around Hazel? 6 months ago this scene would have been as likely as pink pigs falling from the sky. Now the chanting started again. And the heat, this bloody heat. Well at least I got the air conditioning on the 'punters'. Blears smiles, pours a G and T and sinks into a very comfortable armchair and switchs on the TV...to see herself leaving Downing Street. SHIT! that nightmare..forget, forget, forget. Everything is nice, everything is ok. "We're in this together m8!" She yells slightly drunkenly at the TV showing 'Foxy Knoxy' now.

Blears boots up the computer and looks for jobs. E mail tray is full and bouncing. Angry emails from angry constituents. Ungrateful bastards...muses Blears. Whats I've given to them. MY LIFE IS YOURS writes Blears on her blog. I'll show them thinks Blears. She decides to pop over to uncle Robs, pick up his high power deer hunting rifle and take it into Salford town centre and show those ungratful scum whos boss around here. "Yes yes", intones now very drunk Blears, "I'll show them". She emerges from the house with the regulation fixed smile pinned to her face as usual. Her mouth speaks mindless drivel as usual...buts shes not even listening to herself. Her mind is set on one objective. RESPECT for the best politition the UK has ever seen. "I'll teach those fuking bastards"...she almost hisses..then catches herself and climbs into the motorcar, snaps at the driver, and away into the sunset. I'll teach those fuking bastards.

The police inspector sighs, then smiles, and laughs aloud. "Is everything ok Sir?", says sarge. Quiet alright Jones, quite alright. This is genuinly funny he thinks. Then, just to be on the safe side, he makes a call to physcriatric services. Blears is pulled over at a motorway service station by a 6 vehicle armed response team. Blears is bundled out of her car, armlocked, and handcuffs rammed up her arms. "Owch" she screams. "resisting arrest" says cop in monotone voice. "DR!! over here please." A man comes over and swiftly injects Blears. Blears goes limp. She starts laughing inappropriatly. People are taking pics and vid...the cannier ones immediately calling tabloid newpapers with the scoop. The struggeling Blears is carried over to an ambulance, an Inspector makes a statement to the press. One serious firearms incident prevented. Well done sarge.

Blears is ranting in hospital at a old geezer who is drooling back at her. "So what medication are you one then dear" he says. "I AM A NATIONAL POLITITION OF HUGE IMPORTANCE. LET ME OUT OF HERE OR ELSE YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE MY MAN". Oh dear thinks listening nursey. "Threats" she states to the impassive Dr Grenshaw...."and mania". "Even on 250 millgrams of Largatol" - the old school anti pyscotic. Lets be nasty says Doc, give her 250 MG of LSD. Dr Grenshaw laughs. "fuking politition headcase, JUST STOP LYING", he shouts in Blears face before turning around and walking out, snapping, "Isolation room please nurse, we don't want this negative infuence being felt by other patients".

Many years later, after Blears is broken and has additted to the existance of her illness, she is released into the community under supervision. Unfortunatly she has aquired various nods and tiks through the high doses of pyscriatric drugs given to her over the years. But 'Hazel' is still there under it all - that cheeky little face grinning away.

String 'em up


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