Skip to content or view mobile version

Home | Mobile | Editorial | Mission | Privacy | About | Contact | Help | Security | Support

A network of individuals, independent and alternative media activists and organisations, offering grassroots, non-corporate, non-commercial coverage of important social and political issues.

Bradford completely destroyed by EDL, millions dead.

Sargant Bill Flatfoot | 29.08.2010 03:01 | Analysis | Anti-racism

So there we have it. After months of disinformation, deviancy and nobody really knowing who anybody else is, the "big one" turned out to be a bit of a "small one".

So there we have it. After months of disinformation, deviancy and nobody really knowing who anybody else is, the "big one" turned out to be a bit of a "small one".

As Bradford prepared for the worst, and much of the city didn't grind to a halt, thousands of supporters of the morally wayward Extremist Defence Lodge didn't show up for their big moment in the drizzle. Of course I wasn't there, so don't take this as a personal account of what happened, but in the finest tradition of good old corporate journalism I can do the next best thing. I'm going to make it up as I go along.

It was a drizzly day and the sky was soaked with the kind of tension that only a low pressure north westerly front could bring. In Bradford, nothing much was happening. True, there was a pigeon but that flew off. As it leapt dramatically into the sky, a police radio buzzed into action nearby. A traffic light in the city centre was on the blink again.

Driving past that traffic light, a coach rumbled past, its driver, a small bloke with some sandwiches in a tupperware box tucked into his "day bag" shifted gear and looked out for a place to park his coach. Little did he know that he was carrying a cargo of DEATH. He shifted gear again but missed and crunched the gear box.

Across town, a police officer stood next to another police officer and chatted about their overtime bonuses. Little did they know, that in a few short minutes their lives would be forever changed by dozens of working class "War on Terror vanguardists" who would allow themselves to be herded into a police pen and safely controlled in a good example of modern inner city community policing.

The tension was almost detectable.

Standing near to the police, some photographers wearing combat fatigues, Nato helmets and carrying emergency medical supplies, including morphine, ketamin, bandages, syringes, burns and trauma medi-packs and emergency passports eyed each other suspiciously, nervously fingering the shutter buttons of their idiotically complicated camera's and wondering whether they would ever see their loved ones again.

And then it happened.

Nobody I spoke to could say how it started. But as I wasn't there this seems trivial.

All anybody knows is that it was awful, an awful embarrassment.

They came from all directions all at the same time. Some from the bus station, some from the car park, some from a nearby pub, one was even spotted arriving on a squeaky bicycle. In a whirling fury they ambled along the pavement and checked with pedestrians they were in the right place. In a lamentable and pathetic example of all that is wrong with humanity one even arrived by car, his mother dropping him off on her way to work at the "fish n chip" shop in the high street. The horrifying moment of judgement day had arrived.

The EDL had actually not got lost and had found their way to Bradford.

The world prepared for the worst and wondered if this was the end of humanity, and then stopped doing that and checked the TV schedules to see what time X Factor was on.

This "eyewitness who wasn't anywhere near Bradford" would like to report carnage having erupted in the city but as there wasn't any it seems pointless to carry on....let's all stand about with our hands in our pockets shuffling our feet and stare at the floor instead while we have a little embarrassed whistle!

So where now for the EDL?

Well the football season is starting so some will go there. Others, having finally met the "love of their life" will quietly slink away and hope no one's noticed. Others will realise that their bail terms have run out and will be winging their way to one of the notorious "Her Majesty's Pleasure Centre's" and the few left will be left standing around scratching their heads wondering why doing Nazi salutes isn't popular.

The last one remaining will be left to endlessly bore his relatives to death. May they rest in peace.

Sargant Bill Flatfoot
- e-mail: helmets-and-codpieces@met.cop
- Homepage: http://www.met.cop/allo-allo-allo.html

Comments

Upcoming Coverage
View and post events
Upcoming Events UK
24th October, London: 2015 London Anarchist Bookfair
2nd - 8th November: Wrexham, Wales, UK & Everywhere: Week of Action Against the North Wales Prison & the Prison Industrial Complex. Cymraeg: Wythnos o Weithredu yn Erbyn Carchar Gogledd Cymru

Ongoing UK
Every Tuesday 6pm-8pm, Yorkshire: Demo/vigil at NSA/NRO Menwith Hill US Spy Base More info: CAAB.

Every Tuesday, UK & worldwide: Counter Terror Tuesdays. Call the US Embassy nearest to you to protest Obama's Terror Tuesdays. More info here

Every day, London: Vigil for Julian Assange outside Ecuadorian Embassy

Parliament Sq Protest: see topic page
Ongoing Global
Rossport, Ireland: see topic page
Israel-Palestine: Israel Indymedia | Palestine Indymedia
Oaxaca: Chiapas Indymedia
Regions
All Regions
Birmingham
Cambridge
Liverpool
London
Oxford
Sheffield
South Coast
Wales
World
Other Local IMCs
Bristol/South West
Nottingham
Scotland
Social Media
You can follow @ukindymedia on indy.im and Twitter. We are working on a Twitter policy. We do not use Facebook, and advise you not to either.
Support Us
We need help paying the bills for hosting this site, please consider supporting us financially.
Other Media Projects
Schnews
Dissident Island Radio
Corporate Watch
Media Lens
VisionOnTV
Earth First! Action Update
Earth First! Action Reports
Topics
All Topics
Afghanistan
Analysis
Animal Liberation
Anti-Nuclear
Anti-militarism
Anti-racism
Bio-technology
Climate Chaos
Culture
Ecology
Education
Energy Crisis
Fracking
Free Spaces
Gender
Globalisation
Health
History
Indymedia
Iraq
Migration
Ocean Defence
Other Press
Palestine
Policing
Public sector cuts
Repression
Social Struggles
Technology
Terror War
Workers' Movements
Zapatista
Major Reports
NATO 2014
G8 2013
Workfare
2011 Census Resistance
Occupy Everywhere
August Riots
Dale Farm
J30 Strike
Flotilla to Gaza
Mayday 2010
Tar Sands
G20 London Summit
University Occupations for Gaza
Guantanamo
Indymedia Server Seizure
COP15 Climate Summit 2009
Carmel Agrexco
G8 Japan 2008
SHAC
Stop Sequani
Stop RWB
Climate Camp 2008
Oaxaca Uprising
Rossport Solidarity
Smash EDO
SOCPA
Past Major Reports
Encrypted Page
You are viewing this page using an encrypted connection. If you bookmark this page or send its address in an email you might want to use the un-encrypted address of this page.
If you recieved a warning about an untrusted root certificate please install the CAcert root certificate, for more information see the security page.

Global IMC Network


www.indymedia.org

Projects
print
radio
satellite tv
video

Africa

Europe
antwerpen
armenia
athens
austria
barcelona
belarus
belgium
belgrade
brussels
bulgaria
calabria
croatia
cyprus
emilia-romagna
estrecho / madiaq
galiza
germany
grenoble
hungary
ireland
istanbul
italy
la plana
liege
liguria
lille
linksunten
lombardia
madrid
malta
marseille
nantes
napoli
netherlands
northern england
nottingham imc
paris/île-de-france
patras
piemonte
poland
portugal
roma
romania
russia
sardegna
scotland
sverige
switzerland
torun
toscana
ukraine
united kingdom
valencia

Latin America
argentina
bolivia
chiapas
chile
chile sur
cmi brasil
cmi sucre
colombia
ecuador
mexico
peru
puerto rico
qollasuyu
rosario
santiago
tijuana
uruguay
valparaiso
venezuela

Oceania
aotearoa
brisbane
burma
darwin
jakarta
manila
melbourne
perth
qc
sydney

South Asia
india


United States
arizona
arkansas
asheville
atlanta
Austin
binghamton
boston
buffalo
chicago
cleveland
colorado
columbus
dc
hawaii
houston
hudson mohawk
kansas city
la
madison
maine
miami
michigan
milwaukee
minneapolis/st. paul
new hampshire
new jersey
new mexico
new orleans
north carolina
north texas
nyc
oklahoma
philadelphia
pittsburgh
portland
richmond
rochester
rogue valley
saint louis
san diego
san francisco
san francisco bay area
santa barbara
santa cruz, ca
sarasota
seattle
tampa bay
united states
urbana-champaign
vermont
western mass
worcester

West Asia
Armenia
Beirut
Israel
Palestine

Topics
biotech

Process
fbi/legal updates
mailing lists
process & imc docs
tech