We're lucky to have them - As spoiled young people who think they know everything attacked the police, across the country millions of ordinary workers cheered them on and said they were the best people in the world.

In central London, more than 50,000 lazy, pretentious, self-absorbed protesters said it was vital for Britain's future that the cost of their education should not be allowed to eat into their handsome, white collar salaries and their capacity to pay for shitty, new world music and holidays in the less touristy parts of Italy.

The protest had already attracted widespread support even before the middle class youngsters had injured some policeman, broken some windows and frightened dozens of people who had been working since nine o'clock this morning instead of watching Cash in the Attic or asking their parents for an increased limit on their credit cards.

Meanwhile prime minister David Cameron has cut short his visit to China and is flying back to the UK so that he can meet with the middle class children and apologise for threatening to make their adult lives very, very slightly less affluent.

The prime minister's spokesman said: "They are heroes, plain and simple. I could try and condemn them for injuring policemen and damaging private property, but it would be a transparent lie.

"We're now going to let them run the country for the next two years because they're so clever and special and they know how everything works."

Roy Hobbs, an ambulance driver from Grantham, said the lazy, middle class children who think they are brilliant had inspired him to have a lie in tomorrow before quitting his job, taking someone else's money and then punching a policeman if anyone objected.

He added: "I would go down to London and join them if only I was as wise and clever as they are.

"I'm not fit to lick the boots their parents bought them."