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"Anarchist Group's Gleneagles Website Exclusive!"*

Agent Heather Reporting | 11.06.2004 00:10 | G8 2005 | Free Spaces | Globalisation | Social Struggles | London

Proposed G-Hate Blocks - UK 2005 Gleneagles, Scotland:

Pagan Maypole Block plus the "Wall of Morris Dancers"
Not seen since the Mayday 2000 Guerilla Gardening Action when the army was put on standby to deal with this traditional pagan pastime, the Maypole Block will surround the G8 with a specially placed network of magically alligned Maypoles - weaving their magic with dance, they will reactivate ancient ley-lines to render the evil energy of the G8 Red Zone fences inert, backed up by seperate gatherings at Stonehenge and Avebury that will channel the land's ancient celtic energy, making it available to all other blocks who will be instructed how to take full advantage of its power.

While Italy had the White Overall Tutte Bianchi, in 2005 we will aslo have the "Wall of Morris Dancers"! Importing a frightening brand of pagan style hocus pocus, this is an extremely worring development for the forces of darkness.

Recent additional intelligence gained at an International Security Meeting in Savannah, suggests a Break-away Braveheart Block of celtic crazies are planning on pouring down from the hills, painting everything blue, and taking control of the borders.

The Cricketers Block
Padded up and fuelled by cucumber sandwiches, squads of 11 will knock the G8 for Six. Driving way over the boundaries they'll bring a lazy summer afternoon vibe to the frontline... Will they be out for a duck, or will they stump the opposition? First seen in London Mayday 2004, this outing was simply a red herring PR stunt.

The White Collar Block
Led by the crack Bowler Hat Brigade, suited and booted, the oppressed office workers are expected to be armed to the teeth. To a casual observer those umbrellas and briefcases may look like innocent tools of capitalism, but in the hands of a corporate journo they morph into a frightening brand of european terror tactics, as a rag tag army armed with spears and shields get set to create a lunchtime bloodbath.

The Blue Blood Block
Have apparently pledged to add their weight to the street blockades, however a question remains over whether they will sign up the the PGA hallmarks or the Anti-capitalist principles of unity. The youth wing has however signed up to all available hallmarks, bought the t-shirt and agreed to face down the pig cavalry with their newly formed Radical Pony Club leading the charge with the Silver Spoon Gymkana Block.

UK Urban Kebab Block
The full atmosphere of Friday nights in any UK city centre will be recreated in a 'avin it large style. Watch them go as they chant "Here we go, here we go, here we go" and then render the streets unpassable with a volitile mix of piss and puke.

The Self Preservation Society Block
Veterans of the italian job, these folks earned their stripes amongst the pizza parlours of Genoa, dodging overlong consensus meetings and trying to pick up the local talent. Don't be fooled however, their rat like cunning and true fashion sense will see them blowing the doors off a whole new can of pasta.

St Trinnians Block
More old skool retro madness as the anti-war schoolgirl block takes to the streets and distracts the boys in blue. Charming and disarming? With jolly hocky sticks flying there'll be lashings of flour bombs and ambushes behind the bikesheds.

Vampire Block
Terrifying hordes of newspaper sellers will harry the G8 delegates at every move. The Old Left zombies will surround the conference centre and erect hundreds of paste table blockades, all chaired by the same five uber-demons. Having prepared feverishly for over a year they will lead over 100,000 foot soldiers to a glorious victory marching in completely the opposite direction to the G8 conference to listen to five hours of speeches culminating in an evening concert with Billy Bragg.

RTU Street Party Block
Reclaim The Unions are rumoured to be promoting yet another frightening brand of continental politics, where Unions actualy mean something and work on behalf of their members, fighting for a better world. For the G8 they are expected to make links with other unions around the world and call for decentralised demonstrations across the globe. In the UK they will lead a massive international union march, blockading the main routes to the Gleneagles Hotel.

Back to '94 Block - "The CJB Renunnion Rally"
The Mythical Forces of HayDay are gathering to even the score - what score? HARDCORE! The CJB Reunion Rally will see the G8 conference centre turned into a psychedelic mess of bunker barricades and DIY dancefloors as the surrounding trees are occupied and retro-rockers lock-on to bass bins. Make no mistake, if this gets out of hand, it'll be messy...

Remember, always believe everything you read in the media...

Agent Heather Reporting


Hide the following 9 comments

what about

11.06.2004 12:27

the poster of this article forgot to mention the FREE ORK block which will also be in attendence.
to help combat the traditional image of Ork oppression. Those Orks who have broken their chains of slavery to the dark lords forces will be massing to fight with whatever means nessesary and whatever scorcerous weapons are availlable
more on this development later


dead cop blok

11.06.2004 13:02

yes yse the end cop block in full effect

i been on a vacation in the ghetto with my motherfucking homies kid

original crip hop material

you cant crutch this


11.06.2004 19:25

other cool affinity group, bloc and cluster names:

+ new kids on the black bloc


van block

12.06.2004 13:23


blocs for all

12.06.2004 17:05

From Bad Press

Medieval Bloc: Who wants to see abunch of punks ripping down a fence. If the MAN is gonna turn the summit into a fortress, the Medieval Bloc will lay siege with gusto. Beautiful battering rams, ladders, siege towers, Trojan Donuts, catapults, and dead cows infected with the plague. Swords, shields, and funny hats with horns.... Just watch out for those cauldrons of hot oil.

Circus Cluster: What's a Carnivalagainst Capitalism without clowns? A tiny car drives up to the perimeter, and stops. A bunch of clowns emerge -- one for each world leader. The Amazing Human Cannonball is fired into the perimeter and miraculously lands, unharmed. A bloc of stilt walkers step gingerly over the wall, while the fire-jugglers distract the riot troops. Trampolines, tight ropes and unicycles come in handy, and the Figbash Acrobat works the high-top. Victory will go to those with the biggest shoes.

Country Club Cluster: Throwingbottles and rocks over a fence? Ugh. The Association of Anarchist Golfers are very well dressed, in baggy pants, long socks, and colourful shirts. Damn those golf balls go far! The Bjorn Borg Bloc play a bit of tennis, and the Badminton Bloc hit their cocks to the crowds delight. The Squash Bloc's protective eye glasses are a handy item.

Bloc Parents: The Bloc Parents thinkit's great that their kids are trying to change the world. Sure, they'll grow out of it, but for now, all the power to them. Bloc Parents can be found amongst the Middle Aged Bloc (not to be confused with the Medieval Bloc). They offer to follow any group of younger, more agile protesters over, under or through the fence (you first!), confound the cops by peering at them through bifocals, scold misbehaving protesters, snap their knee braces in a menacing (although essentially non-violent) manner, and pass around bottles of Ibuprofen.

Mascot Bloc: Ten people dressed up astheir favorite mascot. Thick fur provides great protection. Traumatize children with images of Mickey Mouse getting truncheoned and kicked by riot police.

Gary Coleman Bloc: Thirty tinyblack kids with afros continually approach riot police and ask "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?"

Rebel Alliance: Use the force to walkright past the storm troopers. Wiggle your fingers and say "You don't need to see our identification." The Ewok Block uses vines and traps to outwit the Empire. A gaggle of Yodas run amok, saying enigmatic phrases such as "hmm, secret is the text." Twenty Wookies can't be wrong.

Sun Bloc: Forget about protectingyourselves from pepper-spray and batons. Those UV rays can seriously damage your skin. We recommend at least SPF 15.

Donut Bloc: Please don't feed thecops. Donuts shall rain on the earth. Plain, sprinkled, jelly-filled, glazed, and frosted - for donut wrath hath no bias.

Anarchist Yachting Association:Row up the river in a fleet of rubber dingys. Open up a bottle of champaign and drink a toast before storming the beach.

Fuscia Bloc: Dressed in tights, andpink tutus, the Fuscia Bloc's role is to follow the Black Bloc and tease them mercilessly. A performance of Swan Lake in front of a row of riot cops entertains the crowd.

Nerf Bloc: While we at the Institutehate to support any particular brand, we must admit that the Nerf possibilities are endless. Let's face it, the revolution will have to be sponsored by someone. Play safe!

- Homepage:

breeze block

14.06.2004 13:29

Do'nt forget the breeze block. The block that will surround the g8 delegates witj different measures of wind and breeze power in opposition to g8 power.


You Bloc-heads

15.06.2004 20:35

Builder's Bloc (bring yer bricks)

Butcher's Bloc (meat cleaver and all!)

Sun Bloc (coz there ain't much ozone up north)

city bloc (a nice trip to the country)

writer's bloc (will be representing indymedia)

mental bloc (as in "let's get mental bloc")

chip off the old bloc (literally)

stumbling bloc (get those animals off those horses!)

un bloc (out of my way son)


Are these all jokes?

16.06.2004 21:54

Call me an idiot, but some of those are actually perfectly workable ideas. I especially would like to see some of the Wiccan stuff (it would put the church to shame if it fails to attend), and there were one or two others in particular:
- The pony idea actually has a bizarre NVDA feel: The police ride war horses, why shouldn't we ride the pony of the peaceful olde time Seaside trip?
- Cricket and other sports: Very effective. Golf is too obvious, but a must. Not Cricket? Why not cricket? And a floatilla demo would be effective on such a small river, but Life Jackets are a must. Anyone for donning Scuba gear and taking part in the world's first march along a none-dried-up-river-bed?!
- Things like a Star Wars bloc or other well thought out film rip-offs would be neat.

I often find that this kind of creative stupidity, if attempted selectively and in reality, can have tremendous results. I'm all up for a Pony Ride over the mountains of yonder lands, and I think that a Zapatista/Indigenous Solidarity action on a Brave Heart theme (capitalist the move may be, but hey, the scots were fighting imperialism) would be worthwhile.
(A very excited) Rebel W

Rebel W

Are these all jokes?

01.07.2004 13:11

Is the UK the home of the ministry of silly walks?
Do bears shit in the woods?

The G8 and blair will regret the day they agreed to have the G8 in the UK
(just as the european esf comrades are regretting their choice :-)

Creative Stupidity - Chaotic Resistance - Charming and Disarming

Pink and Silver - Pink and Charcoal - Pink and Black

Unified Resistance - A Colourful Cauldron of Resistance

When the people's of these islands put their heads together, anything is possible...



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